home. puking in laundry basket.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
