I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
