Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
