Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
