I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
