I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
