my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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