I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
