Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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