Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
