Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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