Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
