no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
