I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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