So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
