Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
