he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
