Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So here I am, sexting at work.
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