I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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