Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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