I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
