Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
