my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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