you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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