i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU