Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus