I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
