So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.