I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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