Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
