Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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