yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
