He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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