I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
