He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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