when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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