My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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