i think my tv is drunk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
