So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We smell like vodka and hangover
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