I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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