If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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