considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
