I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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