come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
