did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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