Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
