I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
