He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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