I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
