Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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