At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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