I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
