Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
