i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
