Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
