so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
