I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
