I never want to see another naked old woman again.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
