a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
