got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
