don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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