would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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