I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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