Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
