I feel great
I just peed on a car
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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